Loneliness in Men
Male loneliness is an invisible crisis — one that hides behind alarming suicide rates, rising aggression, and increasing social isolation. I want to explore how loneliness in men is shaped by the wider social fabric, and why it matters for all of us.
Sandra Natus
9/15/202512 min read
Loneliness in Men
Why Men’s Loneliness Matters
Male loneliness is an invisible crisis — one that hides behind alarming suicide rates, rising aggression, and increasing social isolation. Suicide is a form of self-directed violence, while aggression is violence directed outward. Both are connected to loneliness, and both are signs of a broader societal issue. My intention here is not to blame or point fingers. Instead, I want to explore how loneliness in men is shaped by the wider social fabric, and why it matters for all of us.
The Changing Male Role: What Does It Mean Today?
For generations, the male identity has been closely tied to being the provider and protector. Men's self-worth often came from their ability to support a family financially. Women, in turn, were dependent on men for survival, which left them vulnerable and disadvantaged. The social changes of the past 40–50 years — particularly women's independence and equal opportunities — were long overdue and necessary. But they also affected the foundation of male identity. The historical focus of men as only breadwinner is no longer exclusive. I have spoken with men of all ages who said that they feel uncertain about what is expected of them. Many welcome progress for women but quietly struggle with confusion about their own place in society.
Emotional Restrictions in Male Identity
Traditional male identity not only defined roles but also emotions. Anger was the one feeling men were allowed to express without shame. Other emotions — sadness, fear, vulnerability — were dismissed as weakness. Men themselves can feel uncomfortable when other men show vulnerability or cry, and women can also struggle to accept emotional men. Brené Brown, a researcher on shame and vulnerability, notes in Daring Greatly that many women find it difficult to witness men expressing emotional pain.
As a result: many men feel trapped, unable to express their full humanity.
Loneliness, Anger, and Violence
We currently live in a rapidly changing world riddled by unrest and real or perceived crisis that evokes many emotions and feelings. When men cannot process or share their feelings openly, anger often becomes the only emotion they are “allowed” to show. In many cultures, anger is more socially acceptable for men than sadness, fear, or tenderness. But when anger becomes the default, it tends to take two directions :
Turned inward: men blame themselves, leading to self-violence such as depression, substance abuse, or suicide.
Turned outward: men blame others, directing anger toward society, partners, or groups.
Both paths deepen isolation. Even when men find “like-minded” groups to channel frustration, the connection is fragile — because real belonging requires vulnerability. Without that, relationships risk becoming competitive (“who’s on top?”) or transactional (“what do I get out of this?”). And those bonds crumble as soon as fear, status, or advantage shifts. In this sense, traditional expectations of masculinity — to be strong, stoic, and in control — can trap men in a cycle that almost guarantees loneliness.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I saw how traditional male roles often left men emotionally isolated. Fathers were frequently distant or authoritarian, their authority rooted more in societal expectation than in genuine strength or connection. Behind that façade, I often sensed loneliness and desperation that was a taboo. Many carried these feelings silently, and boys growing up in that environment learned that being a man meant being tough, inexpressive, and alone. I believe that these patterns still echo in the struggles many men face today.
Young Men and Social Media
Younger generations face an added layer: social media. Unlike older generations, who shaped their identity mainly through lived experiences, Gen Z and Gen Alpha are building theirs in online spaces - a virtual world designed for profit and influence – that presents a very distorted and fake image of the world – marked as “the truth”.
Social media constantly tell young men:
You're not good enough — unless you look, act, and achieve in specific ways.
You've been betrayed and robbed of your rightful place in society — a message amplified by extremist influencers in the "manosphere."
This endless stream of distorted images creates both insecurity and resentment.
But there's another complicating factor: I sometimes get the impression that discussions around developing a healthier male identity are also hindered by voices that dismiss men's struggles entirely. Some influencers seem to believe that men are inherently privileged and therefore don't deserve support or understanding. I'm not sure how significant their actual influence is, or whether this perspective mainly serves certain polemic purposes, but such voices can make a genuine conversation about male wellbeing more difficult. They don't seem to consider that boys and men can suffer too.
This creates a troubling dynamic: young men caught between extremist voices exploiting their loneliness for profit, and other voices telling them their pain doesn't matter because of their gender. Neither offers genuine help or connection.
The Netflix mini-series Adolescence illustrates this danger powerfully. It shows how a 13-year-old boy, drawn into online extremist spaces, eventually commits violence against a female classmate. The story is fictional but chillingly realistic — and it reflects how easily loneliness and confusion can be manipulated when there's nowhere else to turn.
Thoughts on Strength
While external pressures shape much of young men’s experience today, it’s worth considering what internal resources can help men navigate these challenges. When I studied social work in Germany, one of my psychology professors defined real strength in a way that has stayed with me:
“A strong person is strong in everything they do. They stand their ground firmly when needed, but they also cry strongly, laugh strongly, and admit their weaknesses strongly. Their strength comes from within, not from outside validation.”
For men, this kind of strength means allowing vulnerability. Without it, real connection is impossible — and loneliness becomes inevitable. What might this look like practically? It means learning that emotions beyond anger exist and have value. It means finding spaces where showing uncertainty or sadness doesn't equal failure. It means recognizing that the men who seem most isolated are often those most afraid of appearing weak.
The Paradox We Face
Male loneliness is underdiscussed in society, yet sadly heavily exploited by various interest groups for propaganda. My aim with this blog is not to offer quick solutions, but to spark reflection and conversation about the deeper forces at play. The overdue conversations and reflections need to happen on a broader societal level, as well as on a personal level to embrace individual differences.
When it comes to gender, I often notice a paradox: the needs of boys and men are sometimes both exaggerated and overlooked. On the one hand, stereotypes about what men 'need' or 'are like' can oversimplify their struggles. On the other hand, the genuine challenges many men face — like loneliness, pressure to perform, or lack of emotional outlets — can be underestimated or dismissed.
The focus on girls and women has been absolutely necessary and continues to be — but perhaps it's time for a more nuanced conversation that allows space for everyone's specific experiences. The difficulty is that as soon as we put people into categories for clarity, we risk limiting them with those same categories. What is 'typical' for men or women may not apply to everyone — and maybe it's less about pinning down differences than about allowing people to show up as they truly are.
Where Do We Go from Here?
As a mother, wife, sister, friend, and professional, men's wellbeing matters deeply to me — just as women's does. As a coach specializing in loneliness, I can't offer solutions on a societal level - but I can help individuals. How?
Providing:
A safe space to explore loneliness without judgement.
Tailored strategies to build genuine connections and personal growth.
Every person's loneliness is unique. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions. But change is possible — and it begins with understanding. If you are ready to take steps toward moving from loneliness to meaningful connection, I invite you to contact me for a free discovery session. Together, we can explore whether my coaching approach is the right fit for you.
How Coaching Helps You Grow Providing Guidance, Not Diagnosis
Coaching is an action-oriented personal growth process. It’s tailored to your personality and circumstances, helping you make meaningful changes and improve your individual situation.
Coaching is not a replacement for therapy. While coaching focuses on growth and forward movement, therapy is about treating and healing mental illness. If you are experiencing depression, addiction, or anxiety, it’s important to take this seriously and seek professional help from a mental health specialist for diagnosis and treatment. Therapy supports people in processing trauma and developing coping strategies, always with careful attention to the risks involved.
Coaching, by contrast, builds on your own responsibility for maintaining your mental health. If you’ve learned to manage your mental health and want to focus on creating positive change, coaching can be a powerful way to move forward and enhance your life.
Loneliness in Men
Why Men’s Loneliness Matters
Male loneliness is an invisible crisis — one that hides behind alarming suicide rates, rising aggression, and increasing social isolation. Suicide is a form of self-directed violence, while aggression is violence directed outward. Both are connected to loneliness, and both are signs of a broader societal issue. My intention here is not to blame or point fingers. Instead, I want to explore how loneliness in men is shaped by the wider social fabric, and why it matters for all of us.
The Changing Male Role: What Does It Mean Today?
For generations, the male identity has been closely tied to being the provider and protector. Men's self-worth often came from their ability to support a family financially. Women, in turn, were dependent on men for survival, which left them vulnerable and disadvantaged. The social changes of the past 40–50 years — particularly women's independence and equal opportunities — were long overdue and necessary. But they also affected the foundation of male identity. The historical focus of men as only breadwinner is no longer exclusive. I have spoken with men of all ages who said that they feel uncertain about what is expected of them. Many welcome progress for women but quietly struggle with confusion about their own place in society.
Emotional Restrictions in Male Identity
Traditional male identity not only defined roles but also emotions. Anger was the one feeling men were allowed to express without shame. Other emotions — sadness, fear, vulnerability — were dismissed as weakness. Men themselves can feel uncomfortable when other men show vulnerability or cry, and women can also struggle to accept emotional men. Brené Brown, a researcher on shame and vulnerability, notes in Daring Greatly that many women find it difficult to witness men expressing emotional pain.
As a result: many men feel trapped, unable to express their full humanity.
Loneliness, Anger, and Violence
We currently live in a rapidly changing world riddled by unrest and real or perceived crisis that evokes many emotions and feelings. When men cannot process or share their feelings openly, anger often becomes the only emotion they are “allowed” to show. In many cultures, anger is more socially acceptable for men than sadness, fear, or tenderness. But when anger becomes the default, it tends to take two directions :
Turned inward: men blame themselves, leading to self-violence such as depression, substance abuse, or suicide.
Turned outward: men blame others, directing anger toward society, partners, or groups.
Both paths deepen isolation. Even when men find “like-minded” groups to channel frustration, the connection is fragile — because real belonging requires vulnerability. Without that, relationships risk becoming competitive (“who’s on top?”) or transactional (“what do I get out of this?”). And those bonds crumble as soon as fear, status, or advantage shifts. In this sense, traditional expectations of masculinity — to be strong, stoic, and in control — can trap men in a cycle that almost guarantees loneliness.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I saw how traditional male roles often left men emotionally isolated. Fathers were frequently distant or authoritarian, their authority rooted more in societal expectation than in genuine strength or connection. Behind that façade, I often sensed loneliness and desperation that was a taboo. Many carried these feelings silently, and boys growing up in that environment learned that being a man meant being tough, inexpressive, and alone. I believe that these patterns still echo in the struggles many men face today.
Young Men and Social Media
Younger generations face an added layer: social media. Unlike older generations, who shaped their identity mainly through lived experiences, Gen Z and Gen Alpha are building theirs in online spaces - a virtual world designed for profit and influence – that presents a very distorted and fake image of the world – marked as “the truth”.
Social media constantly tell young men:
You're not good enough — unless you look, act, and achieve in specific ways.
You've been betrayed and robbed of your rightful place in society — a message amplified by extremist influencers in the "manosphere."
This endless stream of distorted images creates both insecurity and resentment.
But there's another complicating factor: I sometimes get the impression that discussions around developing a healthier male identity are also hindered by voices that dismiss men's struggles entirely. Some influencers seem to believe that men are inherently privileged and therefore don't deserve support or understanding. I'm not sure how significant their actual influence is, or whether this perspective mainly serves certain polemic purposes, but such voices can make a genuine conversation about male wellbeing more difficult. They don't seem to consider that boys and men can suffer too.
This creates a troubling dynamic: young men caught between extremist voices exploiting their loneliness for profit, and other voices telling them their pain doesn't matter because of their gender. Neither offers genuine help or connection.
The Netflix mini-series Adolescence illustrates this danger powerfully. It shows how a 13-year-old boy, drawn into online extremist spaces, eventually commits violence against a female classmate. The story is fictional but chillingly realistic — and it reflects how easily loneliness and confusion can be manipulated when there's nowhere else to turn.
Thoughts on Strength
While external pressures shape much of young men’s experience today, it’s worth considering what internal resources can help men navigate these challenges. When I studied social work in Germany, one of my psychology professors defined real strength in a way that has stayed with me:
“A strong person is strong in everything they do. They stand their ground firmly when needed, but they also cry strongly, laugh strongly, and admit their weaknesses strongly. Their strength comes from within, not from outside validation.”
For men, this kind of strength means allowing vulnerability. Without it, real connection is impossible — and loneliness becomes inevitable. What might this look like practically? It means learning that emotions beyond anger exist and have value. It means finding spaces where showing uncertainty or sadness doesn't equal failure. It means recognizing that the men who seem most isolated are often those most afraid of appearing weak.
The Paradox We Face
Male loneliness is underdiscussed in society, yet sadly heavily exploited by various interest groups for propaganda. My aim with this blog is not to offer quick solutions, but to spark reflection and conversation about the deeper forces at play. The overdue conversations and reflections need to happen on a broader societal level, as well as on a personal level to embrace individual differences.
When it comes to gender, I often notice a paradox: the needs of boys and men are sometimes both exaggerated and overlooked. On the one hand, stereotypes about what men 'need' or 'are like' can oversimplify their struggles. On the other hand, the genuine challenges many men face — like loneliness, pressure to perform, or lack of emotional outlets — can be underestimated or dismissed.
The focus on girls and women has been absolutely necessary and continues to be — but perhaps it's time for a more nuanced conversation that allows space for everyone's specific experiences. The difficulty is that as soon as we put people into categories for clarity, we risk limiting them with those same categories. What is 'typical' for men or women may not apply to everyone — and maybe it's less about pinning down differences than about allowing people to show up as they truly are.
Where Do We Go from Here?
As a mother, wife, sister, friend, and professional, men's wellbeing matters deeply to me — just as women's does. As a coach specializing in loneliness, I can't offer solutions on a societal level - but I can help individuals. How?
Providing:
A safe space to explore loneliness without judgement.
Room to make sense of the social and personal context shaping it.
Tailored strategies to build genuine connections and personal growth.
Every person's loneliness is unique. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions. But change is possible — and it begins with understanding. If you are ready to take steps toward moving from loneliness to meaningful connection, I invite you to contact me for a free discovery session. Together, we can explore whether my coaching approach is the right fit for you.
How Coaching Helps You Grow Providing Guidance, Not Diagnosis
Coaching is an action-oriented personal growth process. It’s tailored to your personality and circumstances, helping you make meaningful changes and improve your individual situation.
Coaching is not a replacement for therapy. While coaching focuses on growth and forward movement, therapy is about treating and healing mental illness. If you are experiencing depression, addiction, or anxiety, it’s important to take this seriously and seek professional help from a mental health specialist for diagnosis and treatment. Therapy supports people in processing trauma and developing coping strategies, always with careful attention to the risks involved.
Coaching, by contrast, builds on your own responsibility for maintaining your mental health. If you’ve learned to manage your mental health and want to focus on creating positive change, coaching can be a powerful way to move forward and enhance your life.
